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The Homosexual Agenda
All You have to do is touch your wiener The gays' first plan is to turn everyone in the world gay, or at least liberal. They have already taken over Congress, Television. Hollywood, and Nascar. The homosexuals have become a serious threat to our nation. They were like sleeper agents waiting for the right moment. They have us all being fashionable and listening to Madonna for Pete's sake! What's next? Will straight men start wear eyeliner? Oh wait. Those damn emo kids already started that. But here's the plan: God hates homosexuals. We all know that sooner or later he is going to have to come down and fix this mess. When he finally does, we can all go back to the days of having as many wives as the basement can hold. What does that have to do with the gays you ask? .....um.......Oh, did I mention gays were hurting America? The Most Dangerous of the Homosexuals It is a well documented fact that the most dangerous homosexuals are the ones that turn Stephen Colbert on. These include, but are not limited to, Jon Stewart, George Clooney, Tom Brady, and Bill O'Reilly. Colbert does not need to be thinking these things. George Clooney and Tom Brady must be kept as far away from Colbert as possible, preferably in modern maximum-security prisons. Fortunately, Colbert has been able to keep his feelings for Stewart in that same giant tumor where he keeps his emotions. Don't worry though; he'll have it painfully removed in eight to ten years. Bill O'Reilly, thank God, Colbert would only do if he had a gun to his head. Controlling Popular Culture Homosexuals have long been known to be "in the arts", but few have been seen operating heavy equipment, much less computers. Not any more. The Homo Agenda has moved into all matter of electronic devices and environs, including even the internets. Homos used to be satisfied with their monopoly on "techno" (a form of dance-type music) but now, they have infiltrated technology. "Everyone is gay for Bridget" Created by the gayest Japanese game artists, Bridget is the most adorable (yes, adorable!) guy ever to appear in all of the history in the fighting games genre. This fictional character turned many of American gamers gay. What's worse, users can play as Bridget. It's one of the most evil creation of the homosexual agenda. How To Spot A Homosexual Some people, Colbert included, have terrible gaydar. This guide is for any and all so afflicted. 1. Gay people love the color pink, a variation of red which as we all know is the symbol of communism. (Don't let the liberal media fool you into believing that red is the color of the GOP. The color of the GOP is a very light maroon-blue, which is a very, very manly color going back to biblical times). 2. Gay people also love hating America. If you see anyone doing anything against the GOP it is safe to assume they are, at the very least, in on the homosexual agenda. 3. Gay people turn you on. If you are attracted to any member of the same sex, that person is gay, not you. It is a terrible trick to pull, I know. But that's why they all need to be destroyed. 4. Gay people are contagious. When someone says you're gay...its true and theres no denying it. This is universal. However, there is a defense against having gays call you gay though the technicalities of this have not yet been field tested (specifically...not investing the majority of your free time around silly homophobes). it is believe that this would not apply to everyone. Only gays. If this happens to you...immediately retract all recent gay decisions you've made to avoid future occurrences. Though, you're still gay...so theres really no point. Don't touch me. See Also * Gaydar * The DeGeneres Paradox * Gay Marriage External Tubes * Further information on spotting homosexuals. * One Man's Battle